ETIQUETTE OF HOW TO ENTER AND EXIT A CHURCH MEMBERSHIP
New church members understand Entrance Etiquette—how to join a church, however very few understand Exit Etiquette—how to leave a church.
I. Membership versus Covenant
Membership is a necessity placed on groups to conduct business. It has its responsibilities as well as privileges. As necessary, as membership may be in our present society it is not a biblical concept. The biblical concept is that of covenant or being grafted or adopted into a family. In a home when someone is going out of the house common courtesy requires that we intimate someone of our departure, whereabouts, and relating logistics—exit etiquette. However, in a church, since members do not understand covenant they feel they can leave a church without following any protocol or exit etiquette. Why? Because they fail to see the value of covenantal and familial biblical concepts that we are more than a member, we are in covenant.
We are "family members"! That is why we call it our "home church".
II. Questions Prospective and New Members Need to Ask Themselves
A. Why am I here?
B. Is this going to be home unless the Lord moves me?
C. Does my personal passion coincide with the vision of this church?
D. Are there opportunities for me to utilize my God given gifts?
III. Legitimate Reasons for Leaving a Church
A. Geographical relocation making commuting to church impractical
B. Drastic change of vision in the church that may not be compatible with reasons for joining
C. Doctrinal heresy
D. Being sent out by the church as a church planter, missionary, evangelist etc.
IV. Issues to Consider When Leaving a Church
A. Have I followed protocol and sharing with those given oversight of my wellbeing? These could be elders, deacons, and cell leaders, or Pastors.
B. If it is due to conflict and controversy, have I verified all the facts directly from the source?
C. Do I have unforgiveness in my heart?
D. Am I angry?
E. Am I leaving because it is my decision or am I being negatively influenced?
F. Am I a carrier of negativity from this church to the next church?
G. Am I leaving in such a way that I can return to this church family?
H. Have I been courteous?
I. Have I been respectful of godly authority?
J. Have I said negative things to others in the church?
K. What do I expect this church to do when I tell them I am leaving?
L. If I were the Pastor or a senior leader in the church, what would I expect as exit etiquette from those choosing to leave?
V. Exit Etiquette
A. Never leave with unresolved issues of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness.
B. Always do your best to speak with those in oversight about your plans. Do not go AWOL.
C. Do not make a scene or production out of your leaving.
D. When you leave, leave. Do not keep meddling back in the place you chose to leave.
E. Do not try to influence others to follow you in leaving.
F. Leave in such a way that your godliness will be exemplary; you will be missed and always welcomed back, here is the test? If you see a church leader in a restaurant, grocery store or bank there will be no awkwardness—because there is no unfinished business.
Conclusion: How you leave is as important as how you come in.
By Dr. Tony L.
